"The masculine is afraid of what it cannot control. The feminine is afraid of being controlled. The feminine desires to be free of boundaries, which the masculine interprets as irresponsible. It is this opposing agenda that creates the tension that sustains the Universe. The masculine provides form and the feminine provides growth."
- Secrets of Dragon Magic: Sacred Fires Of Hadji-K
Within each one of us lies both aspects of feminine and masculine energy.
As a woman, this need for freedom is core to who we are when fully self-expressed. Personally, I always craved freedom - true freedom of the Soul where I felt fully free to express myself in whatever way Creational energy wanted to flow through me. I often felt bound by rules, constructs, and linear thinking, needing to fit in to the cultural box of what was expected of me and how I behaved and looked. In the past, my unhealed Self would seek out men who squarely wanted to keep me in the box of control, somehow fearing I could get myself into trouble and needed a father figure to control any unwieldy behavior I may indulge in. I was told by an ex that I "needed" structure in the form of control. But that containment only created something for me to fight against: It was a quiet rage that steadily grew. And for a time, like many women, it turned inward.
In the first few months of John and I dating, we were not yet exclusive and had our first fight. He was falling in love with me and his heart hurt to think of me dating anyone else. As the fight went on, he finally burst out and yelled, "I don't want to share you!". In my newly-found voice post-divorce, I remember my knee-jerk reaction yelling back, "Who says I'm yours to share!".
Eyes wide, he stared at me in silence. I calmed down and replied, "you can only share what you own and control. That's not who I am".
And just like that, the part of my feminine Soul that had been trapped in a never-ending cycle of control was released. I had spoken my truth for my need to be free.
For those who have read Clarissa Pinkola Estés Women Who Run With the Wolves, I remember the first time reading it and crying when I read the passage about the woman breaking free from the bones in the cave and turning into a wolf running towards the horizon. Something stirred within me, a deep primal feeling that awakened my heart.
As women, we're at our best when we are deeply supported in our desire for freedom. It's a freedom to create and to be. We ARE creational beings, and true Creation can never be controlled. It is the undulating spiral that evolves outward in all directions. For men to nurture this potent creational energy is an incredibly powerful gift that opens a relationship to far greater depths. A woman comes into balance with her power, and returns this power through her deep desire to honor, respect, and love her partner. She in turn opens his heart to profound awakenings and a deeper sense of himself as he learns to trust the untamable female energy of creation within.
Although creational energy is uncontrollable, the need for form and balance is just as great. We need to honor men for the tangible grounding they bring. That is, when it's not done from a place of control. The dark side of the masculine energy has been present for too long and is apparent everywhere we look: the mass accumulation of possessions, the destruction of the environment, the importance placed on linear thinking over heart-based wisdom (science vs intuition), and a belittling of women's power seen in nearly every religion and culture in the world, which we see mirrored in so many relationships.
When the masculine power comes from an awakened and enlightened state, men's gift is their innate ability to create a structure we can return to for nourishment and stability. They are there as we complete our Creational cycles and come out of the emotional, physical, or energetic spin we find ourselves in. They are there with open arms and an open heart to say "I've got you". Not out of ownership, but out of trust that we have returned. They are the anchor to our spin, the river banks to our flowing water.
It is important to remember, too, that we all hold both the masculine / feminine energies within us. These concepts can apply to the honoring of these two internal energies and how we carry ourselves in the world, not just in a relationship with another.
The picture at the top is one of the very first cards I ever gave to John. Over time its grown in meaning, and a reflection of this balance between the power of the uncontrollable free feminine rooted deeply in love, and the grounded masculine warrior who's heart is opened when he trusts fully in the devotion of his partner.
Much love to all out there seeking this balance. It is to be cherished and explored as we embrace the divine dance of our Souls. ~Eden
Artwork by Greg Spelanka.